It all starts with finding an appropriate time to talk to your loved one. You may feel unready to start the conversation but, the longer you wait, the more days your loved one will be in a dangerous situation. After reading this guide, you will be more than ready to start the conversation.
Choose a time and place when they are relatively calm. You don’t want to start this conversation when they are distracted or stressed out.
Begin by showing empathy and understanding. This is done by acknowledging that hoarding is a complex issue and that it is not their fault.
In the USA, it's estimated that somewhere between 5 million and 14 million people have hoarding disorder. That's 1.52% to 4.25% of the population.
Let them know you understand that it may not be easy for them to talk about or change their behavior but that you need them to try because you are worried about them. Be prepared to listen actively to their responses.
If your loved one understands that you are coming from a place of care and that all you want is for them to be safe and healthy, they will easily accept the help you want to provide. If they don’t believe their situation is dangerous, below we provide 5 dangers that have been unanimously accepted to be real.
Fire hazards: Accumulated clutter can make it difficult to escape in the event of a fire. Clutter can also make fires stronger and spread faster.
Trip and fall hazards: Clutter can create tripping and falling hazards, which can lead to serious injuries. One out of every five falls causes an injury, such as broken bones or a head injury.
Respiratory problems: Dust and mold can accumulate in cluttered homes, which can trigger respiratory problems, especially in children and older adults.
Infestation: Clutter can provide a haven for pests, such as rodents and insects, which can carry diseases.
Social isolation: Individuals with hoarding disorder may avoid social interaction due to the shame and embarrassment they feel about their living conditions. This can lead to social isolation and depression.
Politely ask your loved one why they are keeping items, such as napkins, old clothing, or other items you consider trash. Many hoarders have had a traumatic experience such as a death in the family, separation from a loved one, or an abusive past which has led to this hoarding situation.
Figuring out the root reason behind their hoarding tendencies can help you understand them at a deeper level and allow you to sympathize with them.
Most people love to help those in need. Let your loved one know that some of their stuff can make a big difference for someone who needs it, rather than sitting in their house under other items.
This conversation has to be taken one step at a time. Most people with hoarding disorder don’t realize they have a problem until it is pointed out to them. In fact, it can be hard to convince them that they have a problem. (NHS)
The good news is that once they realize they have a hoarding disorder, it becomes much easier to help them.
You’d be surprised by the hurtful words that can come from friends and family after a cleanup. Phrases like, “Look who finally cleaned up” or “Looks great without all that useless stuff” can have a big impact on your loved one healing process. Prepare anyone who will enter the hoarder’s home by letting them know that hoarding is a challenging condition and that your loved one may feel sad and embarrassed about the situation. Let them know that it is okay to mention the cleanup but only in a positive and respectful manner.
To you the mountains of hoarded items may be useless “stuff”, but whether you like it or not, a hoarder has an emotional connection to the “stuff”. For example, they may have saved a menu from a restaurant that is no longer in business today, because the menu reminds them of a dinner with their father.
A great way to get around this is to suggest they use a more valuable and less disruptive memento to remember their loved one such as a photo or a piece of jewelry.
The average age of diagnosed hoarders is around 50 years old. Hoarders can be very intelligent and educated and will be able to tell when you are talking down to them. Any adult would feel disrespected if treated like a child, and hoarders are no different.
Treat them like you would like to be treated, with respect. Hoarding isn’t a choice, it is an illness that can happen to anyone. It doesn’t stem from a lack of information, but rather from believing the wrong information.
As a non-hoarder, we understand the need to create a plan of attack and begin it immediately. But, knowing as many hoarders as we do, we have found that separating the tasks and talking about the tasks individually makes the project go much smoother.
For example, at the start of a project, we explain to the client that their only concern right now should be to find “new homes” for the hoarded items. Once that task has been completed, we can start shifting the focus to cleaning, sanitizing, deodorizing, and repairing the home.
Don’t let this situation stress you out longer than it already has. Several companies provide people in your exact situation with the necessary services that you can use to help your loved one quickly get back on their feet. With a fully restored home, a mental health treatment, and a little bit of patience, life for you and your loved one starts to become safer and more enjoyable.
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